Monday, February 20, 2012Posted by Recently Roached
I turn 23 on Sunday. While this isn't exactly a rip-roaring-I'm-so-mature-now-look-at-me kind of age, it's definitely got me thinking about my life as a young'un. In fact, I actually think about this quite a bit because... it's brought up a lot.
I realize I have a baby troll face. I'm 5'1, I weigh 105 pounds, and I have the chest of an eleven-year-old boy (I put "Pet Peeves" right across my lack-ofs in that picture, and you didn't even notice). This, my friend, does not mean I'm a fetus. No, I'm not in junior high. No, I don't know if school is out today. And yes, I know it's impossible to believe, but I'm married. Gasp away. Let your jaw drop. I've seen it all.
I once met a friend of Grahm's at one of his volleyball games. Granted, I wasn't wearing mascara (deadly mistake for us blondes) but when Grahm introduced me as his wife, this guy look dumfounded. He literally said, "Oh my. I thought you were somebody's child." Dude, keep those insulting thoughts to your elfinwich! It's people like you who've lead me to massive eyeliner and bra-stuffing problems.
I get my youthfulness from my dad. His recently graying hair is basically the only sign he's aging. He always wins that game at Six Flags where the guy guesses your age. We have a plethora of oversized stuffed animals from all his conquests.
Yes, it bugs the pants off of me when people assume petite = young. But the real pet peeve kicks in when they try to make it better by saying these six grody words... "You'll appreciate that when you're older!"
This may be true, but for right now... I kinda hate you. Those words ain't helping your case, my friend. You just took nine years off my life by assuming that I'm only fourteen. No, I'm not amused. The whole time we were talking, I thought you were taking me seriously. But really, you thought you were talking to a small child. I'm surprised you didn't use your whiney baby voice, or offer me some animal crackers.
When my boobs come in or I get my first wrinkle (whichever comes first), I'm gonna call all you "Oh my word, you're married?!"haters back and prove myself to you. Until then, I'll remain a baby face troll trying to make it in an adult world.
at 10:40 AM