The Language of Love

Monday, December 3, 2012


If you were in a Christian sorority like me you've probably heard more than you ever want to about love languages. I swear every chaplain we had dissected these five languages like a frog in biology class (ick), inspecting its innards and squishy unmentionables. Because of this, I know these languages like the back of my thigh (unsightly cellulite, in case you were wondering).

Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
 Gifts
Acts of Service

When we were dating, I was definitely a QT and Physical Touch-er. (Essentially the top for every MAN... greaaaat. What's the manly version of Jena? Jenar? Jen-ster?) I loved spending time with Grahm Cracker, and I loved when he held my hand or put his arm around me for no real reason.
 
I've been thinking about these lately and how, after a year and a half of marriage, my love languages have drastically changed. Like I'm talking MJ's before and after pics. Black and white. 
 
I just took this quiz (below), and my results were kind of shocking. Acts of service blew everything out of the water, cannonball style. For me, I feel the most loved when Grahm does little things for me to show me he cares. I shouldn't really be surprised by this; I grew up watching my dad do sweet things for my mom every day.
 
Grahm has learned this about me. He never wants to clean (who does?), but he frequently picks up a toilet brush and scrubs himself into an oblivion even when I don't ask. Granted, I still am high in the Physical Touch. Nothing says "I love you" like a spontaneous make-out sesh during the commercial break of one of our shows. (Classy, right?)
 
His languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. Grahm's lowest (acts of service) is my highest. It's fun and sometimes challenging to learn how to love your spouse well, in the ways he needs it the most. It's something to be aware of and to pray for.

But isn't it awesome how God created us all so uniquely? We all love, but we all love differently.
 
What's your love language?
 

31 comments:

emi said...

i love that you posted about this! love languages are seriously amazing and offer so much insight into relationships..thanks for the reminder to keep them in mind! xoxo

Lindsay said...

I've actually never heard of these love languages you speak of (did I just out myself as seemingly the only Jewish blogger on the internet?! Oops! Haha!) I just did a Google and see there is a book! That's interesting and I'm totally curious. Going on a whim, I'd definitely say I'm right there with you after a long day whe nmy husband comes home from work and does the dishes but physical touch is great, too! Nothing like a hug and a kiss when you're knee-deep in a toddler-made mess to still make you feel special! <3

Meg {henninglove} said...

i have been a HUGE advocate of the love languages since my mom first learned about them several years ago and especially very important for anyone's marriage. learn to speak their love language and just see your love blossom

Helene said...

first you are hilars- mj's before and after pics. I die. then you get deep, and I think i am the exact same by the way. can I be you?!

Kaity said...

I've always been a Quality-Timer but Acts of Service has definitely become bigger for me since we first started dating!

Ragan said...

amen sister! I think you are right, it is definitely interesting to see how marriage can change your love languages to something totally opposite than what it used to be. It is definitely time for me to take that test again!

Anonymous said...

I hate to be an anonymous quoter on this one, but as a long time reader of your blog... your self-deprecating humour about you being fat or having unsightly body parts is kind of maddening. You have a very nice figure and shape, and run marathons for goodness sake! I realize every woman has their qualms about their body and nobody looks in the mirror and sees perfection.

Every person has a right to say whatever they want on their blog, but I just had to share that you should really be grateful for your amazing body that I'm sure you work for. It's just hard and kind of annoying to read about how fat you are when you're far from it.

Recently Roached said...

I'm sorry to upset you, friend!

It really is just meant to be funny. I don't actually think I'm fat, nor am I trying to get "sympathy comments." Seriously, all I'm trying to do is make someone laugh. :) I'm thankful for the body that I have, and I work hard to maintain it. It's just a lot funnier to talk about flub and cellulite.

Sorry to offend you! I'll try to tone down the fat jokes... but I can't promise the self-depracting humor won't stick around ;)

Katie said...

I was a quality time and physical touch girl until I had a baby. Now I'm a Words of Affirmation/Acts of Service girl. I find it fascinating that they switched like that with the arrival of the little one! Probably because now I'm in uncharted and busy territory so it helps to know that my hubby thinks I'm doing something right and it is also helpful when he...well...helps! haha

julia rose. said...

Okay so I took your quiz thing based on boyfriends, since the hus-bun thing hasn't really happened quite yet ;) ... may not ever at this point haha. Anyways, I was surprised at how much more I rely on Words of Affirmation than I thought! I'm sure that will change as time goes on but it's so neat to see what love languages best suit you!
PS... Just read your response to your anon poster- you go girl! I think you are hilarious all day, err day!!

Marie said...

As a marriage coach I think your insight on the love languages is refreshing and hilarious! And I agree with Katie (above) that after the baby mine seemed to switch to Words of Affirmation, too. It is hard being a new mommy and hearing that you're doing a good job is more than welcome.

Great post!!!

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

Mine is quality time hands down. Second is words of affirmation. (-:

Mark is quality time as well, and I think he likes acts of service some too. He is hard to pin down on love languages, he says he "likes them all." come on, dude!

~K

lo @ crazy ever after said...

I know you're just being silly, and I love you regardless of your self depricating sense of humor...even if you call yourself fat WHEN YOU CLEARLY ARE NOT and there is no doubt I am easily twice your size. ;) I do, however, remember reading a post of yours (I think it was you) where you mentioned how it's just as hard being criticized for being tiny just as it is for a person who is heavier. Or maybe it was more about how you look younger and it's hard when you don't get treated like the mature adult you are. Either way, it made me realize that whether you're overweight or underweight...body image issues suck the big one. I have gained around 20 pounds since Jesse and I got married. Love weight. Stress weight. Aging weight. Whatever I decide to call it, I am not a huge fan. Ha! But I want you to know that you are beautiful. And funny. And I will never believe you have cellulite until you post the pics. ;) I'd post the pic of the stretch mark I just notices on my inner thigh...but yeah, no one wants to see that. ;) LI've you, Jena.

lo @ crazy ever after said...

Love. Not LI've. Whatever that is.

Kristina from Everything Changes said...

Mine is Acts of Service. Not too sure what my husband's is...as he refuses to take the quiz b/c he thinks it's all silliness. But I *THINK* his would probably he words of affirmation. He takes criticism (even when it's constructive) very hard. And responds well to encouragement, and often needs it. I just wish he would take the dang quiz, because the results can surprise you!

stephanie said...

I love that you included the quiz! The hubs and I are reading the book together right now. We both took the quiz you posted and it confirmed what we are reading. Great post!

Married...with a Pup said...

You are seriously too cute and funny! I have heard so much about love languages. I definitely think I need to lean more about this!

Christina Marie said...

Great entry! I want to learn more about love languages ... soo important to know and keep in mind when in a relationship! :o)

Allison said...

My love language is Words of Affirmation followed closely by Acts of Service. My husband and I went through this book together and it has really helped us to know and be aware of each other's languages! I went back a few months ago and looked at the quiz I took in the book and my love language "levels" have definitely changed as well since I got married!

Laura Darling said...

I took this test a while back, and mine is words of affirmation. Every so often my boyfriend will compliment me like crazy (and it's a little corny haha!) and when I laugh/roll my eyes he says "I'm just trying to do that affirming thing you told me about!" ha! It means a lot that he remembered, and is trying! :)

Mrs. Shives said...

Love that book! I am definitely quality time and acts of service. The husband is all about those words. Unfortunately words of affirmation is like a foreign language to me, but I'm working on it :)

Andrea said...

I love this book! I am quality time and gifts. The gifts don't need to be big or expensive though...just little things to let me know he cares :) My boyfriend is opposite me similar to you and your husband. Makes things a bit more challenging, but in a good way :)

Fash Boulevard said...

how have I not heard of these? Adore this post, love. If you get a sec, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my latest. xo

www.fashboulevard.blogspot.com

Tom said...

This is the first I've heard of "love languages", being at work I shouldn't really take the quiz... I shouldn't...

sarah e said...

my boyfriend and i both took the quiz over the summer and had a really great discussion talking about what our LL meant to us and how we relate together. we've been together 3 years and i would strongly recommend doing this to anyone in a serious relationship--it's not just for the married couples, y'all!

Elle said...

I just wrote a post on this last week! I have also found that Acts of Service has become important to me since I got married.

Tess @ AModernSuburbanitesLife said...

crazy, I was QT and words of affirmation, but now I think acts of service now takes the cake! I think think QT is most prevalant, but I swoon when matt helps around the house now!

Sarah Hulbert Style said...

I took a class on this in college and scored almost perfectly even in each category. I told my Hubs he needs to tell me how fabulous I am, while giving me a hug and a gift, then take out the trash and come sit next to me and hang out for a while. I'm very low maintenance, as you can see! Thanks for commenting on my blog so I could find yours!!! ~Sarah

Lynette Hoyle said...

I've read this book too, and took the quiz about two years before I got married, and my love language then was words of affirmation and physical touch. Which my husband and I both laugh over now, because physical touch isn't at all my love language now! Poor hubs. Haha. But mine has also kind of moved over to acts of service. My husband takes care of me like a princess when I get home late for work, and does the dishes every morning before I wake up, and I swear it nearly brings me to tears every day. Funny how that changes!

Lynette @ lynette marie

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