Morning!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


Getting out of bed is hard. Mornings, for me, are like bras. I don't like them. At all. They're not supportive (they haven't made one small enough). They're uncomfortable and altogether unpleasant. But it's a little taboo to throw caution and brassiere to the wind... so like my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, I begrudgingly "embrace" the morning.

Embrace is strong. It's more of a forced relationship I have with the AM. After all, it's only natural to avoid pain. And donchta know, everything hurts in the morning. I'm an 80 year old who needs to rest her wrinkled prunes a little longer than those annoying gals who wake up at 4:30 just to work out... yeah, I want to punch them in the tinkle taco. (Ain't nobody got time for that!)

So here's some things I say to myself to get my frumpy fanny out of bed each morning:

1. That donut ain't gonna eat itself. 
2. If you sleep till noon, it's really going to mess up your nap time.
3. If your bladder explodes all over the bed, it'd be messy and probably painful. Grahm would be pee-ved.
4. You need to cover up those saddle bags under your eyes, Two Face.
5. You wore your hair in a bun yesterday. People are gonna know you didn't shower. AGAIN.
6. The Zombie Apocalypse is happening now. Your cubbies aren't zombie-proof.

And if all else fails, I roll over and get a whiff of Grahmsterdoodle's top-of-the-morning-to-ya breath. And then I'm wide awake.

Linking up with Shanna!

30 comments:

Katie said...

This pretty much describes my relationship with sleep!

rachel said...

EXACTLY.

Sara said...

This is spot on with how I feel about my slumber. Right on!

Amie said...

So you're telling me... if I buy donuts, it makes getting out a bed easier?! Hmmm, why have I never thought of this?! hahahaha!!!

http://herestohappinesses.blogspot.com/

Leslie @ Body Won't Break said...

Oh mornings. I used to get up and go to the gym in the mornings. I kind of miss that. It's easier for me to get up earlier than to stay up late. But I agree.. Starting the day later would be the best.

Helene said...

i hate bras too. HATE THEM. and also right there with you on bras. the worst.

Sarah said...

pee-ved. Best pun ever.

Ashley from The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles said...

I've always been a morning person. Haha.

Rachael said...

Haha I am laughing so hard right now. Tinkle taco?? Never heard that one! ;) I like the part about the donut. That would definitely get me outta bed!

Kelsey Lenay said...

Donuts. Seriously the answer has been so simple, all along. In order to get up at 5:30 for my clinical for nursing..I just need donuts? Where have you been all of my life?!

XO, Kelsey

Erin said...

Ugh, mornings are theeee worst. Usually the non-showered hairbun makes me finally crawl outta' bed. I can only rock greasy hair so many days before I get fired ;)

Ashley said...

Jena!!! You are cracking me up today!!! Those donuts really aren't going to eat themselves!! I'm not a morning person either...but my boys don't seem to believe me :-)

julia rose. said...

hahahahahaha pee-veed, hilarious!!!

Amy said...

You always, without fail, make me laugh! :)
I'm actually a morning person {i know, shoot me} but i wish i was MORE of a morning person who skipped to the gym and got her workout on...maybe one day?
Then again you're running 10 miles, my legs/toes/butt/eye lashes would be sore too! :)

Halie Renee said...

Ahahaha, this was definitely the funniest post I've read all week. SO many funny and punny lines in there. Golden I tell ya.

Jaime Hungry said...

Hilarious! I feel the same way, how I wish I was a morning person.

Lauren said...

The only remedy I have for mornings is a happy baby. It's hard to be grumpy around a happy baby. Which, is kind of annoying some mornings when I really just WANT to be grumpy - you know the feeling.

Denise said...

hahahahahaha oh my gosh! I laughed so hard. Twinkle Taco. Perfect!

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

I always say that getting out of bed is the hardest part of my day. It's all uphill from there.

~K

Treasure Tromp said...

morning I don't mind, but bras? Completely against them. And YES, yes yes to number 5. top bun is my go-to day 3 (and 4?) hair.

Shay said...

Once again, you are hilarious. Number one is enough to get me up!

Tom said...

Hah. I've suddenly got very tired reading this....

Allison said...

Haha this is awesome. No. You are awesome...and mornings are not. Boo.

kateprs said...

Too funny! Thanks for stopping my by blog! I think yours is all sorts of fantastic :)

oliveoyl64 said...

I make it my mission to learn something new everyday. Today it comes from you....the words "tinkle taco". BWAHAHAHA

ngnrdgrl said...

Ha ha ha! You are too funny. I'm not a morning person either. The fiance always wants to converse and I'm like, "huh? Leave me alone." Bras are horrid. They are uncomfortable... I have too large of knockers to get by without though.

Alyssa @ Sugar, Spice, and a Dash of Advice said...

Hahaha my thoughts exactly. Mornings are my worst enemy! I'm always in the worst mood no matter what time I wake up. Oh, and bras are awful too... so I agree with ya 100%!!

Melissa said...

I think I have these exact same thoughts every morning! Glad to know I'm not the only one who contemplates sleeping some more but in the end gets up so I don't wet the bed!

CoastWithMe said...

Lmao....I honestly think you're my long lost sister or something. Or at least I want so badly to be related to you. Haha! I just want to talk to you everyday. I know I must sound like some loony bird, but I can't help it. You bring out the best in me:)! I DESPISE MORNINGS WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!

Amanda said...

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