sick days

Friday, January 10, 2014

Sick days are deceptive little monsters. When you and your husband have to take a couple of sick days together, you may immediately be suckered into the thought of "Oh vacation! This is going to be so romantic and fun!" I mean, yes, you're sick. You smell. You feel and look like death warmed over. You haven't deigned to step into a shower for the last three days. But you're with your man at your house with all of Netflix at your disposal. Things could get worse.

No. Just, no.

See, the ugly reality of a sick day is essentially it's the worst day. You wake up to sea of used Kleenexes on the bed. Are you on a cloud? Are you in heaven? You may feel like you want to die, but no, you're just getting up close and personal with your husband's dried-up mucous from yesterday. You roll (or in my 9-months-preggo case heave) yourself across your king-size bed to give your husband a good morning kiss, but you both end up coughing all over each other in a fun little game I like to call "No, you die first."

You sit. You lay in bed. You moan and groan like you're in labor. (Ha.) You sit some more. At some point you decide to put on pants and meander downstairs to scrounge for food. (Good luck with that one.) Then you find your couch and plump your fat fanny down for some more good ol' fashion sitting. Really, you're just trying to stay alive. You almost forget your husband is even in the room because neither of you are talking. You've transformed into helpless blobs incapable of making noises other than "Ugh," "Ahhh," "Fever," and (my personal favorite) "Foooood."

Projects around the house are beckoning you. "Come work on the nursery or your child will have no where to sleep and nothing cute to stare at..." But you ignore them. After all, you put on pants. Your productivity level just reached max capacity... not to mention the thumb workout you're surely getting from all the channel surfing.

There's also the little issue of cabin fever when you have an actual fever. Being in your house is jim dandy, sure. You can probably think of worse places to stay. But when you're infesting every nook and cranny of your living space with your gunktivitis, all you want to do is get out. You want to run (or in my case, wobble) down the street ("FREEEEDOM!"), breathe in some fresh air, pretend like you've done more today than put on pants and watch an ungodly amount of How I Met Your Mother episodes, and blissfully ignore the achy, trembly feeling that's flowing through your hygiene-questionable veins. Damn it, you just want to live!

But instead, you're (still) on your couch with your husband. Not talking. Being haunted by the zillions of projects piling up around you. Feeling like you'll die at any moment. And singing your own version of Leona Lewis's "Bleeding Love":

I took a sick day, and I keep sneezing. Keep, keep wheezing. I keep moaning. I keep, keep groaning. And I, I keep sitting. I keep, keep pitting out... I took a sick day.

11 comments:

Whitney Alison said...

haha oh you poor things. I hope you're feeling better soon. I haven't taken a sick day in a while, but the last time I did Boomer was home with me too. I should have just gone to work :/

Amy said...

I had formulated a really good "feel better" comment and then I read your rendition of bleeding love and it completely left me.
that was utterly hilarious.
I hope y'all feel better soon!
(not sure what the temp is like where y'all are, but whenever someone is sick in our house we always crack a few windows for an hour during the day, just to feel like you're living a little and air the house out)

Courtney Rose said...

Awe you poor things! I hope you both start to feel better soon!! However this is the best sick description I think I've ever seen! Glad you haven't lost your wit in the sea of tissues!

Kaysie said...

Doesn't that magically beautiful house have a magically beautiful back yard! Drink some tea out there and breathe some new air that isn't toxic. THEN. You both must go watch "Sherlock" (the british one) on Netflix and you will be cheering for your sick day once again.

Ech and Will said...

Aww hope you feel better soon.

Jamie K. said...

Feel better lady!! I hate that.. it's especially hard when your other half is with you and not able to pamper you on sick days :(

Kelsey Eaton said...

Feel better! That sounds like no fun at all!

Kaili at impeccablykaili said...

feel better. sick days are simply the worst.

Vicki Angel said...

Hope you feel better soon :)

Love & Kisses xoxo

missvickiangel.blogspot.co.uk

Allison said...

Hahahahaa...your version of that song is just cracking me up. Feel better soon Jena!!

Susannah said...

Oh no!!! I really hope you feel better soon!!!